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Joke of the Day

• I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
  –Frank Sinatra
  The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
  –William Butler Yeats
  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
  –Ernest Hemingway
  Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  –Ernest Hemingway
  Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
  -Catherine Zandonella
  Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
  –Ambrose Bierce
  Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
  –Anonymous
  Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
  –Timothy Walsh
  A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
  –Anonymous
  What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
  –W.C. Fields
  When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
  –Henny Youngman
  Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
  –Michelle Mastrolacasa
  I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
  –Tom Waits
  24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
  –Stephen Wright
  When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven…
  –Brian O’Rourke
  You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline… it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
  –Frank Zappa
  Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
  –Winston Churchill
  Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  –Benjamin Franklin
  If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
  –Deep Thought, Jack Handy
  Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
  –Dave Barry
  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
  –Humphrey Bogart
  Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
  –David Moulton
  Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
  –Kaiser Wilhelm
  I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
  –Homer Simpson
  All right, Brain, I don’t like you… and you don’t like me, so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.
  –Homer Simpson

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The Joker is meant solely for the purpose of entertainment.

The Jokes contained herein are not meant to offend any particular group of people. We are by no means prejudice, as we make fun of everybody, including ourselves and: wops, spics, dagos, spades, honkies, towel heads, krauts, wetbacks, gooks, crackers, chinks, fags, dykes the Mormons and even the Pope.